Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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