just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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