youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
