im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
