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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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