forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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