Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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