i think my mom watched the whole time
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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