this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
