Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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