ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
