How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
