During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
