FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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