dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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