Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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