You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
