i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
