at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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