I'd wear matching sweaters with you
where am i from again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
