wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
