gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
