I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
