It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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