its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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