He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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