weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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