These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
