What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
