I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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