So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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