His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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