What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
