New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
