life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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