I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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