I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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