Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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