she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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