I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
