dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
