apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
