if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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