I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
