If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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