he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
