Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
