I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Boobs are out for the taking
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
