Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
