i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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