I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
