Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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