Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
