I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
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