don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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