nut hugger
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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