Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
