The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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