You can't special order awesome
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
