you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
