we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
