College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
