we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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