dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
