Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
