He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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