Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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