At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
